So here I'm on a Monday, sitting at my Favorite Cafe, waiting for my BF to join me for breakfast and all I can think about is what a failure I am.
It's a beautiful spring day in the best city in the world and I can't seem to find anything to smile about. I feel like I can't do anything right as of late. I feel like a complete failure.
I know I'm a bundle of misery this morning but I have no idea how to find my happy again. The one thing I love the most in the world, my one thing that I feel that I'm good at, doing a good leg session has been taken away from me.
I know that I should be grateful that I have legs that work and that I have access to some of the best gym equipment in the world but today I just can't do it.
My back hates me and I feel like my BF would rather train his perfect clients over me. I feel like I disappoint him when I can't perform. My weakness is my coordination and the best thing about training legs is that I don't need coordination, I just have to be strong and now I don't even have that.
Today I feel like a failure!
I feel like I can't do anything right. I haven't been able to exercise the last 5 days, all I want to do is lock myself in a room and cry.
All I want is for my life to make sense again and all I want is to find my happy again.
I just have no idea where to start. I started working on a goals journal yesterday and I thought that maybe if I have myself something to focus on than just maybe it would help me get on track but today happened, I wasted an hour of my work out attempting to do a squat and failing, I then spent the rest of that time crying about it and seeing the look of disappointment on my BF's face and that just made me cry even more.
Working in a gym I think has caused me to develop a complex about myself, I don't see myself has strong or fit anymore, all I see is someone who isn't strong enough or fit enough. All I see is perfectly toned bodies and strong women that isn't me. All I see is my failure.
Here is hoping that I have something better to write about next time, for now I'm going to spend time finding my happy.
Until next time.
Xx