Turns out it has been exactly a month since my last post. I've been so busy with my new job and Uni that I hadn't had time to write. It's terrible but life happens.
Today I realised that I was starting something really important again.. I'm doing me.
I went back to training at the gym, for those of you who know I have been struggling with injuries and a few other demons. I have put on weight, something that I'm ashamed to say. However I have decided to do something about it. I'm in the process of getting myself a new PT and so far I have met one that seem okay. My ex PT has helped me come up with an option B. I'm excited about meeting him when the chance is given.
In order for this new PT to do what he does best, my ex PT asked me to write him an email outlining all my issues and injuries. While writing this email I was brutally honest about myself.
I wrote the I hated myself, I had put on weight, I had lost all definition and that as a result as working in a gym I have been fat shaming myself and no longer loved my body. I have been binge eating, not eating at all and worst of all I have been making myself throw up and hiding it from everyone.
Telling someone all of that was tough but I did it
There was a small thing that I didn't add, because I'm feeling all of these things about myself, how longer before my BF realises this about me as well.
It's something that I shouldn't worry about but here is the thing my BF is a PT and he works with all these beautiful, skinny girls and next to them I look like plain Jane.
It took a lot to admit that to myself and I bet I'm not alone in feeling this way. On some level every female has felt this way, I just don't know how to make it go away.
But... I figure for now I need to work on loving myself again, I need to find a way to embrace my curves and I need to do me. Maybe just maybe this feeling will then go away and I might starting what he sees.
He tells me that he sees a beautiful and strong woman and some days I wish I could see that too.
All one can do is try, after all I have to start somewhere.
Xx
Today I realised that I was starting something really important again.. I'm doing me.
I went back to training at the gym, for those of you who know I have been struggling with injuries and a few other demons. I have put on weight, something that I'm ashamed to say. However I have decided to do something about it. I'm in the process of getting myself a new PT and so far I have met one that seem okay. My ex PT has helped me come up with an option B. I'm excited about meeting him when the chance is given.
In order for this new PT to do what he does best, my ex PT asked me to write him an email outlining all my issues and injuries. While writing this email I was brutally honest about myself.
I wrote the I hated myself, I had put on weight, I had lost all definition and that as a result as working in a gym I have been fat shaming myself and no longer loved my body. I have been binge eating, not eating at all and worst of all I have been making myself throw up and hiding it from everyone.
Telling someone all of that was tough but I did it
There was a small thing that I didn't add, because I'm feeling all of these things about myself, how longer before my BF realises this about me as well.
It's something that I shouldn't worry about but here is the thing my BF is a PT and he works with all these beautiful, skinny girls and next to them I look like plain Jane.
It took a lot to admit that to myself and I bet I'm not alone in feeling this way. On some level every female has felt this way, I just don't know how to make it go away.
But... I figure for now I need to work on loving myself again, I need to find a way to embrace my curves and I need to do me. Maybe just maybe this feeling will then go away and I might starting what he sees.
He tells me that he sees a beautiful and strong woman and some days I wish I could see that too.
All one can do is try, after all I have to start somewhere.
Xx